Anger, always anger

i had enough of unreachable people. these ugly things inside of me break me everytime.
as vrea sa fiu mai des asa furioasa pentru ca doar asa ma misc.
i'm not unreachable. not even in a very, very bad way. i'm just inexistent. sunt un om dosit in mult intuneric.

Something Corporate- Konstantine. Great song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Fv7bqw9e4
I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go when the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between you and your big dreams
It's always you in my big dreams
And you tell me that it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And you're restless and I'm naked
You've got to get out, you can't stand to see me shaking
No could you let me go, I didn't think so
And you don't want to be here in the future
So you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope that you had sent into the sky
By now had crashed and it did because of me
And then you bring me home afraid to find out that you're alone
And I'm sleeping in your living room but we don't have much room to live
I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country become a rockstar
And there was hope in me that I could take you there
But damn it you're so young but I don't think I care
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry, please don't think that this was easy
And then you bring me home cause we both know what it's like to be alone
And I'm dreaming in your living room but we don't have much room to live
And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good standing in her underwear
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do was touch her long blonde hair
And I've been thinking, it hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere no
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K and I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms and why I had to try it
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car
When the first star you see may not be a star, I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said, what you thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes just to lie with my mistakes
And live with what I did to you, all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock, it's 11:11 and now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream you'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine they'll never hurt you like I do
No they'll never hurt you like I do no
This is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did
You know that you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby you could keep me up in bed my Konstantine
You spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
And I said did you know I miss you, did you know I miss you
And then you bring me home and we go to sleep but this time not alone no
And then you'll kiss me in your living room, I know you miss me in your living room
Cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room
We don't have much room, I said does anybody need that room
Because we all need a little more room to live my Konstantine

Wicked, wicked

Astăzi am aflat o chestie nemaipomenita care i s-a întâmplat unui prieten. Prima reacţie de "vai, ce tare" n-a funcţionat în plan real, ci doar în planul reacţiilor de bun-simţ pe care trebuie să le emiţi în astfel de situaţii. De unde impotenţa asta de a te bucura pentru altul care ne caracterizează în general, de ce suntem aşa mutilaţi emoţional, atât de mutilaţi încât rareori ne dăm seama că n-ar trebui să reacţionăm aşa ? I can't figure out. Cel puţin în ceea ce mă priveşte, aduc în faţă ca argument ruşinos frustrările personale, pe care, în cele din urmă reuşesc să le mutilez aşa cum mă mutilează ele pe mine. Nu e tocmai procesul care urmăreşte integritatea însă este doar o problema a perspectivei din care priveşti. Te integrezi, finally, printre oamenii cu coloană dreaptă - asta doar pentru ca te priveşti din afară, iar din interior- who cares? Am ajuns la concluzia că, la fel ca mulţi alţii, sunt incapabilă să-mi cârpesc frustrările, de unde şi capitularea asta în faţa neputinţei ca rezultat al eşecului. Mă mutilez zilnic când spun că-mi pasă şi că-mi acord răgazul necesar pentru chestiile de interior: e doar jocul de culise al celui care încearcă să se dedubleze într-o realitate care ţi-o cere. Dacă nu ne întoarcem pe dos frustrările, căci ele sunt cele mai mizerabile acumulări ale noastre, dar-în definitiv- sedimente pe care nu putem să le ignorăm pentru că rar simţim că se mai lipeşte ceva de noi, dacă nu ne adăpostim sub povara lor chinuitoare n-o să ajungem probabil niciodată la the bright side of things. Şi toate cele spuse mai sus pentru că am tot avut săptămâna asta sentimentul copleşitor că aştept ceva să se termine, că e veşnic o aşteptare care nu aduce nimic bun şi astăzi s-au trezit frustrările prin care am privit din nou(nimic cu adevărat revelator) şi am avut impresia de scurtă durată că mai sunt lucruri de făcut până la următoare reactualizare a aerului păcătos de lume pe care aşteptăm s-o sfârşim.